Who all will be there?
It’s a question I’m sure we’ve all asked about million and one times in our lifetime..
Before we can even begin to pick out the ‘fit’ for the occasion or see if there are any other pressing matters to be done, we absolutely need to know who else is invited to the event and could possibly make an appearance.
It gives you an idea of the vibe, right?
What state of mind you can be in. How much fun you can expect to have. How much you can expect to learn or gain.
Or at least it used to be.
Just as sure as I’ve grown into these adult ass woman hip dips, I’ve started to not ask this question as much as I used to. Or, at least not for the same reasons.
I simply gauge the event on principle and see if it’s something that I’d like to be in attendance for. Then, I show my bright, brown face in the place to be if i feel like going (and not if I don’t). Very simple.
These days my questions about the environment of a situation are pretty linear. Especially if it’s in a place I haven’t been to before.
WIll I enjoy myself?
Will I learn something?
Will I be able to give something?
And often, I always seem to pause in my planning to briefly ponder.. “I wonder if there will be any Black people there.”
It used to be a question about ‘Who all will be there’ because we wanted to make sure that essentially, the people that we were surrounding ourselves with were of like mind and spirit. It takes a lot of effort to be authentically you in a space where people are constantly trying to ‘figure out’ who you are. And it’s so much easier to live and breathe your words when the recipients are those who believe and speak your same language.. Isn’t it?
And that’s the danger of surrounding yourself with only ‘Like minded’ people.
In fact, there are three distinct downsides I can think of..
1. Nobody likes a ‘Yes Man/Woman’.
Look around you. If you are surrounded by people who are constantly telling you how Amazing you are.. I mean, that’s pretty cool. Honestly you want to be with folks who believe in you and want to see the best in you. Where it becomes detrimental is when they don’t call you on your shit. When you make a mistake or have a illbased judgement and the people around you simply nod their heads and LET you make that terrible, horrible decision. Yea. You need a new circle. How exactly are you supposed to become the best possible version of yourself when you aren’t given constructive criticism?
And when it comes from a honest, loving place you can’t do anything but use that to elevate and rise to higher level.
2. Be a Voice.
If you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do things you’ve never done, see things you’ve seen, and be in situations you’ve never been in. By not limiting yourself to your comfort level, you are thereby making a space that is specially for you.
Not organically, but specifically.
And by doing so so you are making your voice and opinion heard in place where it might otherwise not be. It’s sometimes as simple as showing your pretty little face in a space that doesn’t usually see ones like yours. It will both change the conversation and in some cases drive it. There’s been MANY of occasions when I’ve shown up at an event and have been the one with breasts or (more often than not) the only little chocolate drop in the room. And I’m not saying that mentions of culture or sensitivity to cultural issues wouldn’t have taken place, but I know sure as damn well that they do when I am there.
And yes, sometimes it’s hella strange. Like you’re speaking for all of ‘Black Woman America’ but.. *insert shrug*
Ever heard the phrase, if you’re the smartest person in the room then you need to get a different room? Well, that is as true to life as anything I’ve ever heard or lived. There came a point in my life when I realized that when I looked around the room (a literal room) and I knew more about the subject at hand than anyone there. I instantly became bored with the very moment I was living in and checked out. That was hours of my life I lost!
In contrast, I was recently at a retreat and found myself in a ‘soul circle’ of sorts with a group of people that I both admired and respected. And while I wasn’t the least educated person in the room, I definitely wasn’t the most informed! I found that everyone there had something new and insightful to give to the conversation. I was engaged and left feeling filled and refreshed and enlightened! what a change..
I am still in contact with those Beautiful people.
I think it all goes back to childhood lessons. I don’t know about you, but my parents always taught me that you are a reflection of the company that you keep. I carry that with me to this day and am constantly mindful of the people I keep close.
“Birds of a feather, flock together”
*The makings of your ‘Flock’ is an ENTIRE other post.. we’ll revisit that later..*
And while I’m generally pretty open, because that’s just my personality, I strongly believe in energy and the laws of attraction. So while I am loving and accepting of most things of world, a lot of that gets filtered as it gets close to my personal spirit so that I am able to grow and glow.
So now, when we ask ‘Who all gonna be there?’.. I hope it’s so that we can purposely put ourselves in the company of energy elevating folk. And that’s cool.